


I and Love and You

by starwalker42



Series: Sortis (orig. on FF.Net) [4]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s06e03 Triangle, F/M, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Post-Episode: s06e03 Triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25449478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwalker42/pseuds/starwalker42
Summary: Scully has some soul-searching to do after the events of Triangle
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Sortis (orig. on FF.Net) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745140
Kudos: 17





	I and Love and You

**Author's Note:**

> She's back and trying to update her AO3 so it's got the same stuff as her ff.net. Sorry for the mess.

BERMUDA, NOVEMBER 16th 1998

_I love you. I love you._

I love you.

You've heard those words before. From different people, sure, but they're not new, not novel, not particularly surprising. In short, it's not a new sentiment, and therefore it shouldn't be doing what it's doing to your heart right now.

Mulder would laugh if he knew how much three little words from him can affect you.

Not that he necessarily meant it like that. Or meant it, period. Mulder is emotional- _impulsive_ \- at the best of times, and what with the drugs they're pumping into his system maybe his last inhibitions were thrown out of the window. It was the medication speaking. God knows he's been speaking nonsense since you and the Gunmen pulled him from the water, so why should this be any different?

_But,_ the little nagging voice at the back of your head chimes in, _but, but, but._

To him it sounded like a big deal. You can read his eyes so well it's ridiculous, and what you saw there was hope, a depth you'd never seen before, and something new. As he gazed into your soul, you gazed back and saw... what? Was _that_ love? The way the gold in his eyes flickered in the light and seemed to smile while telling you _it's okay_ and _I missed you_ and hundreds of other unrecognisable things besides in less than a heartbeat?

Whatever it was, it took your breath away. And you rejected him despite of it.

_What the hell was I_ supposed _to do?_ You ask yourself.

Yes, you love him- that's not questionable, it's the truth and you know it- but you can't just _say_ that. Because what might happen then?

And what if it _was_ just the medication talking?

You realise you've been sat in your car outside for a good ten minutes, and slam your hand down on the steering wheel. Goddamnit, Mulder.

Your mind drifts inexplicably to Diana Fowley. You wonder if Mulder ever told her _I love you_ from a hospital bed, his hand grazing her hip and sending sparks up her body. But that train of thinking is taking you places you don't want to go- to his apartment, at dusk, Diana moaning his name into the beautiful sculpture of his chest, his heady voice gasping to her _don't stop_ , the air hot and thick and electric.

Stop.

You can't. It keeps playing in your head like a record getting caught; him, her, a bed, his couch, drinks, kissing, touching, honey coloured skin and muscle rippling beneath the surface...

_Stop._

Damn you, Mulder. Damn you, damn you, damn you.

When you can breathe again, you force all images of him out of your mind. It's never been easy, and it's even less so now, but you'd win every award there is for trying.

You have to go back to work. Get some more background checks done. Maybe Frohike can pick him up when he's given the all-clear- you won't have to see him again for another few days, and by then you'll have processed everything well enough to act like nothing's happened. He probably won't even remember.

That voice is there again. _What if that's the problem?_


End file.
